Earlier this month, I travelled to the United Kingdom to study The Master’s Event on Mental Health and Trauma at the University of Oxford. These lectures brought together many renowned mental health experts from around the world to share their knowledge with therapists and coaches hungry for the latest information to help their clients.
I was interested in what I could learn to bring back to my families who are struggling with video gaming addiction.
First of all, if you have never been to the city of Oxford, I highly recommend it. This is a city steeped in history and architecture. When you arrive, you literally feel like you’ve been dropped off in the middle of a fairy tale setting.
The University of Oxford offers 43 different campuses plus student housing. My colleague and I spent our week in Magdalen College dorm rooms, looking to have the whole student experience. Magdalen was founded in 1458 and became the most prominent college producing great alumni such as Oscar Wilde and King Edward VIII. It is magnificent and humbling at the same time.
Our learning took place in The Examination Rooms, Rhodes House, and the Sheldonian Theater, awe-inspiring and inspirational locations.
Here is a brief synopsis of my take-aways from the lectures.
Addiction is often closely linked to trauma, as individuals may turn to substances or behaviours as a coping mechanism to numb emotional pain or escape distressing memories. Trauma can alter brain chemistry, particularly in areas related to reward, stress, and emotional regulation, making individuals more vulnerable to addictive patterns.
Over time, playing video games may provide temporary relief from traumatic stress, but this reliance reinforces the cycle of addiction. By masking the underlying trauma, addiction can become a maladaptive way to manage overwhelming emotions, leading to long-term physical, psychological, and social consequences.
Trauma can come in many forms, and doesn’t necessarily equate to the act that happened to the person, but can also come in the form of not having someone to validate and nurture them in the aftermath. Psychologist Gabor Mate says, “Children don’t get traumatized because they get hurt; they get traumatized because they are alone with the hurt. You help your kid by being there for them when they are hurting.”
It is possible for a parent to support a child who feels invalidated or unnurtured, after an event, illness, or even a diagnosis by creating a safe and open space for the child to express their feelings without judgement.
Actively listening, acknowledging their child’s emotions, and validating their child’s experiences is crucial in helping the child feel seen and heard. Parents should offer consistent reassurance, empathy, and emotional presence, emphasizing that their child’s feelings matter. Providing opportunities for the child to process the trauma, whether through conversation, therapy, or creative expression, while offering unconditional love and stability, can help the child heal and regain a sense of trust and security.
Young brains consuming graphic-imaged media may be traumatized and develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. We consume media emotionally first, and then process it cognitively later. Constant exposure to graphic violence in video games and film, can blur the lines between virtual and real-life threats, potentially leading to heightened anxiety, hypervigilance, and intrusive thoughts.
For some individuals, particularly those already predisposed to trauma, these games may trigger stress responses, as the brain struggles to differentiate between virtual experiences and real-world threats. Eventually the brain shuts down and disconnects. Gamers may use their time in video gaming as an opportunity to express anger, frustration, and pain in what they may deem as a safe space, but they may actually be perpetuating the trauma.
There may be times that an addictive gamer becomes emotionally dysregulated and becomes explosive, more anxious, somber, or remorseful and needy. If parents can remain calm and focused during this time, it’s important to assess which emotional need is not being met that a child is expressing through this negative or harmful behaviour.
Is this behaviour asking for Acceptance, Affection, Attention, Autonomy/Independence or Connection? How can one meet the need to help their child feel validated and safe?
Treating trauma effectively involves helping the nervous system return to a state of safety and balance, allowing the individual to feel secure in the real world rather than escaping into a virtual one. Therapeutic approaches such as somatic therapy, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), and mindfulness practices work to re-regulate the body’s stress response, calming hypervigilance and reducing the fight-or-flight reaction.
By gradually reintroducing a sense of safety, these methods help individuals process their trauma, rebuild trust in their environment, and move away from the dissociation or avoidance that gaming and other escapes may provide. The goal is to reconnect mind and body to the present moment, fostering resilience and emotional healing.
In our culture, self-reliance is admired, so we teach people that they don’t need others when they are suffering emotionally. We especially witness this when a gamer turns away from family members, seeking isolation in their bedrooms and escaping into hours of screen time. They will need to be drawn out of solitude slowly to learn to trust again.
Love and connection is the most important thing one needs in trauma and addiction, but it is also the most difficult transition. A traumatized individual needs to be willing to open their heart to the very thing they fear. For those who have been bullied in-person or suffered a trauma by another, then disappeared into hours of playing video games, as a safe space, this transition to find outside connection will take time, patience, and a leap of faith.
My Oxford study was of great value for me as a coach. I met several people and made some new contacts and resources I can now tap into. I now have more tools to serve my clients better.
Citation
https://www.pacesconnection.com/g/california-aces-action/blog/the-wisdom-of-trauma-gabor-mate-peter-levine-in-conversation-about-how-the-body-heals-from-trauma